Thoughts at 7:50

Noticing that as I sit day after day, the mind is relaxed, less frantic.  most of the time it is effortless to sit for 30 minutes a couple of times a day.  Could be that I am in a smooth and untroubled phase of manic/depressive illness or it could actually be that meditation is having a positive effect on my life.  Could be that both are true.
Don't feel comfortable with 'bipolar' - prefer manic depression as it is more accurate and descriptive of what I actually experience.  It does take longer to type so maybe I won't make a firm decision at this moment.

Watched a vegetarian Indian cooking video yesterday - Manjala is the woman's name.  She prepared kidney beans in a wonderful sauce of tomato, ginger, jalapeño, and marvelous spices.  I had the ingredients on hand so I tried it and - Yummy!  Beans are right up there with my favorite foods and I could probably eat them daily.  They are, according to Dr. Greger, the healthiest food.  Can't remember the qualifying details but I should memorize them because I believe it.

Have been thinking about how much more cheaply I could eat if I stayed away from these fancy and complicated recipes that I am frequently drawn to.  If I ate beans, rice, and vegetables most of the time, I could save a bundle.  Plus, I would likely lose some weight as I exercise regularly.  Tricky part...I would have to give up the popcorn.  Ever since my son and his family came to visit earlier this summer, I have been on a microwave popcorn kick.  I never knew that one could buy movie theater style popcorn in the grocery store and have been eating (or should I tell the truth and say overheating) it for the past three months.

Enough for today.  Tomorrow I'll write about the Insight Meditation Timer and how it has 
changed my life.

RENEWAL - It Really is Spring in Here

I love spring in Eugene. Am equally enamored of spring inside of me. It goes on for months and brings a whole new view of my life - the possibilities.

New camera (still learning to use it). New dedication to practice - both meditation and writing. Am finding both to be quite wonderful. Relaxing and easing up on the issues around food. Stress and a heavy handed approach don't help at all - I just end up wanting to eat more.

Am cautiously allowing the word "meaning" to take a central place in my thoughts, reflections, and writing after months of starkly feeling the emptiness of insufficient meaning. This process of confronting is like opening the cage door of a wild and dangerous animal but failing to address the lack of meaning is worse - a walking death that daily becomes more unbearable.

Writing Daily - So gratifying and also terrifying

PRACTICE

Walking, writing, smiling, meditation... each of these simple acts seem so beautiful as I am coming out of depression.

Sad to see that the blog 'A Life in Wales' hasn't had an update for one year. I wish her well and hope to see a post some day.

Susan Piver's newest book is looking awesome. I requested that our excellent library purchase a copy as I am unable to do so at present.

Decided to twitter again but there is some kind of technical problem so I can't begin yet.

Life is good.

ACTUALLY LEFT THE HOUSE...

... and it wasn't to get junk food. Yay!! I walked to a very cool coffeehouse and created my own drink. A spicy chai tea latte. No sugar as it is not boxed like Oregon Chai and other premade chai teas that are beyond my tolerance for sweet drinks. Yummy and I get to decide whether to put 1/8 or 1/4 teaspoon of raw sugar into the cup.

Haven't written in months. Haven't been checking my email. Haven't been on facebook more than a couple of times. Quit twittering altogether. Have not been following my favorite bloggers. Manic depression took over my daily life once again and I am just now coming out of the cloud of depression and experiencing some enthusiasm for people, for weather and walking, for writing and drinking a tea latte.

Can actually say that I am happy to be alive today. Excited & inspired - oh yeah!

the joys of insomnia...

It's official- have to chalk this night up as one of almost no sleep.  My day appears to have started at 1:40 a.m. 

I am serene and grateful- with or without sleep.

What was shrouded in fog comes clear- begins to shimmer.  

Indecision- morphs into mountainlike certainty.  

Center of stillness- now ripples moving out.

fearless... who? me?

I make no claims on always and forever but at least for this moment, no fear, here.

Hallelujah!!